I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
