Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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