Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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