I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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