With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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