It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
