good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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