i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
