You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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