I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
