you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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