everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
