It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
