shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
