i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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