so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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