Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
