we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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