you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
