i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
