Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
