Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You've changed since you got that strap on
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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