Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
