Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you would pick up someone in the library
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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