MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird