just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
