Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab

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  (425): If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab http://tfl.nu/ezlg
  Replies (8) Good night (3277) Bad night (1070)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.

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  (860): my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf. http://tfl.nu/4sug
  Replies (22) Good night (1197) Bad night (4263)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.

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  (501): i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever. http://tfl.nu/sfg3
  Replies (31) Good night (1476) Bad night (4295)
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  (619): View more from California

  went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.

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  (619): went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation. http://tfl.nu/zdno
  Replies (27) Good night (8026) Bad night (1334)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.

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  (775): You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape. http://tfl.nu/xad4
  Replies (33) Good night (5197) Bad night (1187)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod

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  (859): i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod http://tfl.nu/ur38
  Replies (11) Good night (5706) Bad night (966)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?

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  (610): Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar? http://tfl.nu/upld
  Replies (9) Good night (1057) Bad night (3026)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My vibrator challenges you to a duel.

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  (610): My vibrator challenges you to a duel. http://tfl.nu/fz14
  Replies (18) Good night (4063) Bad night (1257)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.

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  (907): I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled. http://tfl.nu/g1t3
  Replies (11) Good night (2280) Bad night (930)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.

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  (262): But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK. http://tfl.nu/jmv1
  Replies (18) Good night (2386) Bad night (812)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I love you.

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  (214): Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants. (1-214): I love you. http://tfl.nu/sgzz
  Replies (5) Good night (2654) Bad night (660)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers

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  (201): So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers http://tfl.nu/32bd
  Replies (11) Good night (609) Bad night (1218)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  It's blow job season.

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  (515): It's blow job season. http://tfl.nu/1yxc
  Replies (51) Good night (1756) Bad night (593)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.

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  (309): I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison. http://tfl.nu/fqll
  Replies (2) Good night (729) Bad night (412)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.

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  (615): Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of. http://tfl.nu/7ejc
  Replies (2) Good night (374) Bad night (661)

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