So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.