glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
