Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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