My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
