Already got asked if we're dating
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
