Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
