It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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