Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
