After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
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Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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