I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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