I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
