I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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