I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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