Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
