Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
