I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
