I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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