I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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