i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
