You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
