It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
