I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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