I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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