We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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