Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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