my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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