Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
