How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Randomize
