Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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