You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
