Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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