I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
