well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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