remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize