why didn't you poke me back
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
