I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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