I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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