"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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