I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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